First off, thanks to everyone who participated in the raucous, hilarious Undertaker/Shield Super Bowl blackout joke tweet-a-thon this past Sunday. Good times. Here's your reward.
Most of the non-wrestling fan twitter jokes were about Bane. Which is fine. I can't see Bane jokes not being funny anytime soon. Especially when they're paired with the corseted, Axe-slathered Brad Maddox.
What in the tranquil, noise-reducing hell was going on with this dude last night? Why can't he speak? Why can't he devote himself to one particular cadence? Why does his voice go up high and then come down super low? Did he graduate from the Dick Solomon School of "ACTING!"? Yes, that was a reference to the 3rd Rock from the Sun episode "Romeo & Juliet & Dick." It's going to be one of those days. Deal.
Anyhow, Brad stumbled along, trying to string his words together in something resembling sentences, when he might have, unintentionally, struck gold. He crept into Tom Hardy/Bane territory. He started adding inflections at the end, with rising intonations almost indicating a question in place of a statement. At this point, I say just turn him into Bane. But make the joke be that he's the least physically formidable guy on the roster. Have him go on and on about reckonings but then immediately get his ass beat.
I know I said last week's RAW roulette was a bit of a bust, but in retrospect, given all that we saw on this week's mega-mindnumbing RAW, it was a freakin' extravaganza. I mean, The Rock came out and said stuff, The Shield attacked Cena and Brock returned and F-5'd Vince.
But then on last night's RAW...effin' crickets. No Rock. NO AJ! Which is even more surprising actually. I mean, when's the last time AJ wasn't on RAW in some manner? It has to be over a year. Yes, she and Ziggler were there, but they were saved for the after-show dark match. Sure, Mark Henry returned, and he'll probably wind up winning the Smackdown EC PPV match, but over half of last night's broadcast was singularly devoted to Michael Cole's goddamn thumb-cam and the downloading of the WWE app so that fans could vote for who would wrestle Punk. And no, it wasn't enough to just re-explain to everyone how to install an app on your smart phone, they actually had to give us a video demonstration featuring Cole's Frankenberry digits clicking the buttons. Punk, although a heel and prone to yelling at the crowd and calling them "marks" now, was right when he said that no one in the crowd was smart enough to be able to vote for his opponent. It wasn't just typical bag guy rhetoric, it was actually what the WWE themselves thought.
I just get the feeling that all these color-by-numbers demonstrations are so that eight-year-olds can download the apps. It reminds me of when kids used to get in trouble with their parents for ordering s*** off the TV, or running up the phone bill by calling 1-900 numbers. They eventually had to add that "Kids, make sure you have your parents permission" tag at the end.
If I find out that ANY of you Wrap Up readers downloaded that stupid app, I'll wait until you're asleep and pour poison in your ear. Because it's not enough that we had to listen to all the app talk during the voting process. No, after it was all done, we had to listen to the announcers tell us how their latest stunt had broken yet another download record. And, as usual, all of the chest-pounding and number spewing was meant to try and un-shame us all. It's meant to say "It's okay to watch wrestling because we're number one in this, that and the other thing." The only upside to last night's WWE APP-APALOOA II was that it gave us Punk vs. Jericho and Rey vs. Daniel Bryan.
Was it good for you?
I was happy to see that the fans chose Jericho (if the results were on the up and up, that is), and was surprised to see Punk go over clean. It was nice to see him get that win considering all the months the bookers felt he needed The Shield to win. Also, Jericho's in a feud with Ziggler and he hadn't shown up yet, so I was expecting a run-in. Again, they kept Ziggler and AJ off the show, despite the fact that they pose for amazing couples pictures like this.
As I'm sure you've noticed, I haven't even gotten to the headline story yet - Brock coming out again and laying out The Miz. And truthfully, I wasn't even sure what to make the headline this week. The only big RAW moments were that and Cena, Sheamus and Ryback cornering The Shield. The Brock attack just fit better. The segment itself was too long and now Vickie's been dragged into the story as the person who re-signed Brock. Miz, dressed like the 1973 Cloud Atlas version of himself, tried to, I dunno, do something to Heyman. I guess the point was to, once again, get Paul to admit to something. Brock showing up was a surprise considering that we all know he has a limited amount of appearances in his contract, so it seemed odd to, perhaps, waste one on The Miz when he's likely not starting a feud with The Miz. To be fair, we also don't know how many appearances he has left. Plus, he just signed an extension deal. Will there be an actual match next week because of this? A Turkey Tom on a Pole match? I mean, Heyman and Brock have to do something in the meantime. That is, if we're to believe that somehow no one can be fired or reprimanded until Vince is fully healed and back in the ring to tell them to their face.
Vince's surgery, Mark Henry's return and the tragic end (?) of the Tag Division on page 2...
Source : feeds[dot]ign[dot]com
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